I returned from the meeting with the two Hanover police officers with a great sense of sadness and melancholy. I herald and champion truth, compassion, understanding, ownership, civic duty and open-minded communication, yet not one of these prevailed this evening. The officers, who’s identities I had not even known, until this very evening, sat unyielding, unmoved and unrepentent.

They adamantly refused to acknowledge that there could be some understanding or new knowledge to be gleaned. They steadfastly refused to admit they falsified their report, putting untrue words in my mouth and in their account of the situation. The one officer, a man of 38-years denied, denied quite emphatically that he had said, “She’s nobody.” to a bystander who asked me my name. Who could forget a statement like that? I’ll remember it and the circumstances under which it was said until the day I die.

I went through the report, pointing out every inconsistency and falsehood. I spoke of the fork in the road, to just shrug and forget the trauma, or to press charges of which I have witnesses and an illegal act stated in the report by their own admission. I explained the third tine. My efforts were wasted.

The bystander, who had inquired my name, also witnessed that same officer threaten to ‘spray’ me. I was unaware that these are the tactics that can be applied to a person taken into ‘protective custody’. I stated, “I did not once feel ‘protected’ but threatened and assaulted.” All my words fell on deaf ears.

The ‘older’ and ‘more experienced’ officer rolled his eyes, berated me for interupting him and then spoke over me several times unashamedly. The other officer, clearly reluctant to speak of his own accord, could not or maybe did not know how, to have a voice of his own. He simply parroted the words of the other.

It fills me with fear for others, who may encounter these two, when they are on duty together. They will believe and act upon hearsay, go in ‘guns shooting’, then refuse to realize, they never bothered to ask any questions. They will create their own story, add in details to justify the ends to their means. They will never ever admit they ever did anything wrong, made a mistake, because to do so would mean they would have to apologize. And it became clear to me, that as officers of the so-called law, and as the brash officer had stated in the police vehicle to me, “We can do whatever we want when you are in our custody.”

My heart is sad for these two. I feel a great sorrow and sympathy for their souls. I wonder how they will treat their next ‘victim’ and I ardently hope it is without anger from this meeting. I worry that this fear, will come to be. I wonder if they realize, I was giving them every opportunity to do the right thing, and at the very least, apologize. I am assured, in spite of my warning at the beginning of the conversation, the officers will not think beyond, nor take anything I said as it was meant…sound advice and a sign.

I asked for three things, understanding of the difference between an anxiety attack and intoxication, so as to prevent mistaking one for the other. I asked the false statement they claimed I had made, to be rescinded and struck from the report. I asked an apology for their ‘nobody’ statement, for to say such a thing is to deny I am a human being on this planet, a citizen of this country, having a name and deserving of respect.

I pity them. I pity them the circumstances that have made them this way. I pity the path they are choosing and their lot, for simply put…their ‘reasoning is of common clay’.