Explanation Due

I’m not going to chase after you

So you can push me away

I’m not going to hold onto you tight

So you can tell others “had to run away”

I’m not going to ask for your support

So you can sigh then grudgingly agree

I’m not going to stand by your side

While you criticize judge false friend others and me

You tried to make me feel bad about my monthly

You tried to make me feel bad about my work

You accused me of cheating one two three times

Said some women are happy with just dinner and a fuck

You said every girl you’ve ever been with

Has told you that you’re an asshole

Well you’re the common denominator hon

And I agree you ain’t been a very good beau

So now that you’ve decided it’s over

Now you want to be my friend

And now you want to be open

To trust and have good communication

Sorry dear that’s just not gonna happen

You had over a year to be a worthy boyfriend

To participate with good communication

You wasted so many opportunities to be genuine

Now I no longer care to concern

For trust is earned not an expected given

You’re fourth tier off my mountain

Honored title “friend” is not synonymous with forgiven

So stop trying to control the situation

Stop trying to force your agenda on me

You want friendship? Explanation due.

Or kindly fuck off and leave me be


Just My Heart

A fortune teller once told me
That love won’t find me easily
And my mother once told me
That I’m very naive
And I once told me
I will not make the same foolish mistakes
I won’t be fooled
I’ll be more vigilant
More careful
More tender
More loving

With my heart

I’ll still risk
Take chances
See if there’s anything there
And I do
And I did
And I will
But in the ends
Once again
(T)here I am
Drinking ’til I drown

Once again

Moral fiber
Fuck you
Oh growth and maturity
Fuck you
Let’s be friends but sex
Fuck you
Oh life goes on
What is, is
Just keep putting yourself out there
Fuck you


People will say
You shouldn’t have done that
And people will say
I could have told you that
And people will say
It’ll be okay
It’ll be okay
It’s not you, it’s they
And you’ll love again
Some day
Some day
And you’ll meet someone amazing
One day
And you’ll meet someone worthy
Of you
One day
I might find religion
And I might pray pray pray
But some people die alone in spite of loving more
And I’m afraid I might
One day

But hey

Life goes on
And hey
It’s just my heart
But hey
Life goes on
And hey
Next time I won’t be so naive
And hey
Next time not so foolish
And hey
Next time it’ll be easy
The way some people say
True love will be
And hey
Next time I’ll know those red flags
And hey
At some point
Some day
I’ll meet that someone special

And that time
That time
That time
That fucking time
I won’t be sad
I won’t be a fool
I will love more
And that time
At that time
By that time
I might be lying at death’s door

But hey

I do
And I did
And I will
Continue to love more
To love more
To love more
To love more
To love


Cuz hey

It’s just my heart


50 Lives in America

Really sad, the gay mass shooting. Really sad about this latest mass shooting. Really sad I can use the word “latest” to preface mass shooting. Really sad there are people celebrating this mass shooting.

Really sad I can’t donate blood. Really sad I can’t give ALL my friends, gay/straight/other a hug. Really sad to see the hypocrisy of land of the free. Selling guns, selling rights, taking lives. Really sad, really sad, really glad, really glad because I am and am not (t)here and free.


Missing Ingredient

Come for the weather they said.
For the delicious food,
The wonderful people,
The great lifestyle …

Madrid, you -are- fantastically amazing
In all those respects
But your costume selection
And costuming opportunities are weak.

Where the crazy costume apparel at?
The vintage clothing stores?
The second-hand donation-based thrift shops
With totally epic finds just waiting to be found?

The most interesting piece of apparel
I’ve stumbled across here
Was at el rastro
And it was a flamenco dress.



Asian Fetish Cure


Sure, I look like a sweet
submissive little Asian hottie
whose only desires are
to honor your every wish,
serve your every need,
and be your knee-high-socks
sexual plaything
like in that porno you watched
the other night.

But on the inside
I’m a cantankerous 80-year old man
who knows waaaaaay more about
anything and everything than you,
doesn’t like being told how when or what to do,
and will tell you where to go stick it
while yelling at you to
“Get off my lawn!”
“Learn from your mistakes!”
as I spray you with the hose.



Seven years ago
Then Now
And yet still to come
These parallel universes exist
Time and Space
Their illusion can make one grow old
With a falsity of living
Of dying
Not understanding that we are all one
Misperceiving our true selves
Overlooking our indestructible consciousness
Going about daily life sleepwalking insane
Instead of dreaming to awake
Instead of deliberately living
Instead of meaningfully being
Distracted with distractions, entertainment
Feasting, drinking until drunking, dosing until drugging
We count followers, likes, digital bank balances,
Material things as successes
Modern day silver platters and goblets of gold
But they remain the common clay
An inglorious Way
Of discounting self, others,
The grass under our feet
Birds, trees, water, sky, earth
The deer running through the woods
The blooming plankton floating in sea
The stars twinkling above in the night sky
Why communicate when we can
Dictate and mandate
And why love when we can
Hate, twist, stir, disassociate
Hanging on
Holding on
Arrested by desire
We trapped in our prison of unrealistic expectations
This prison of our fixed thinking
A prison of our own fears
A screen for others to play on
A stage for created drama
Someone’s written script
A sign in today’s newspaper horoscope
This is how false friends take you for a fool
This is how people make themselves
For fools
This is how false thoughts within oneself arise
This is the cave.
Be a mirror
Be a shining light
Be a tiny spring flower
Be a spring-fed mountain stream
Be a cloud
Be the horizon
Be (t)here
Be the architect of your own design
Be love
Be-lieve you are everything
And nothing …
Seven years ago
Then Now
And yet still to come
These parallel universes exist
Time and Space
I am misty blue and green above below
Standing atop a hunted jagged peak
Holding love in my arms
The Klondike stretched out before us
Cold wind buffeting
Cold sun shining blinding
Warming hearts tender embrace
Casting away the mind’s abyss
As my heart crosses the divide



all gone


happy I gave you the rest
of your baggage back today
your eight or ten illegal knives
a-walking down Bravo Murillo
along with one very corny
and very sharp katana
a DSLR camera
an Ice Cube CD insert
you taped over the hole you made
when kicking the bedroom door open
one of those times you attacked me
an unopened package of crab meat sticks
bought months ago
not real crab meat of course
fake crab meat
a constructed and shaped lie

like you

and that last lie
AKA ”cognitive distortion”
AKA me-“in a bad mood”
AKA your-“What’s the difference?”-
I caught you in before
walking away

because I’m not your mother

your emotional attachments
your subjectively reasoned
thought constructs
are no longer my concern