“It was a hot day and I hadn’t bathed for three days. This spot on Nesouadnehunk Streams looked so inviting. It was painfully cold. I forced myself into it, scrubbed my skin and hair with sand while shaking uncontrollably. The mountain fed stream was icy, I could hardly breathe, my skin stung and turned red.”
First Bath on the Appalachian Trail photographed by Nichole Hastings
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Copyright 2010 The Truth Will Set You Free
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I was told recently by a friend that I am an intimidating person because I am strongly who I am. I did not realize that such a thing could strike fear into the hearts of others. I’m of the mind that their imagined fear and intimidation is solely of their own creation. A momentary insecurity that I hope passes quickly, for their sake.
Do they perceive me as a threat to their being? Am I the very definition of ‘danger’? Or, are they too weak and changeable in who they are?
It must be difficult to live with that duplicity of personality. Pretending to be one way with some people and another way with others. A constant doppleganger with a deliberate myriad schizophrenic presentation.
Is it that difficult to be who you are? Do you worry that much about the opinion of others? Do you feel as though you are living your life in fear? Live free my friends. Live free.
I received a message yesterday from a person I thought I would never speak to again in my life. A person who, for years, I have refused to speak to, yet now I ask myself, “Why not?” For when I think about all the years I refused to talk to this person, I realized it was not my voice saying, ‘no’ but another’s.
This person has wronged me. And more than just wronged me, they have wronged others and in doing so wronged themselves. It is that realization that has made me decide to communicate with them.
This communication does not mean I forgave them, am still not hurt, and will not speak angrily or harshly to them. It simply means that I’ll acknowledge their existence on this planet. And there is nothing harsher than the denial of one’s existence.
A lesson that errant lying police officer has yet to learn. The one who’s name is not even worth mentioning because he is of no important significance in this world at the moment. Just another pesky mosquito to brush aside and keep stridently ahead of…and as we all know mosquitos are vampires, suckers, little leeches spreading unhappiness and sometimes disease. And they only strike, they can only latch on, when you’ve come to a still.
So I move ever forward, one foot in front of the other, because you can’t turn back time…but you can learn from past mistakes. A lesson, it saddens me too say, some will never learn. ~Nichole Hastings
I returned from the meeting with the two Hanover police officers with a great sense of sadness and melancholy. I herald and champion truth, compassion, understanding, ownership, civic duty and open-minded communication, yet not one of these prevailed this evening. The officers, who’s identities I had not even known, until this very evening, sat unyielding, unmoved and unrepentent.
They adamantly refused to acknowledge that there could be some understanding or new knowledge to be gleaned. They steadfastly refused to admit they falsified their report, putting untrue words in my mouth and in their account of the situation. The one officer, a man of 38-years denied, denied quite emphatically that he had said, “She’s nobody.” to a bystander who asked me my name. Who could forget a statement like that? I’ll remember it and the circumstances under which it was said until the day I die.
I went through the report, pointing out every inconsistency and falsehood. I spoke of the fork in the road, to just shrug and forget the trauma, or to press charges of which I have witnesses and an illegal act stated in the report by their own admission. I explained the third tine. My efforts were wasted.
The bystander, who had inquired my name, also witnessed that same officer threaten to ‘spray’ me. I was unaware that these are the tactics that can be applied to a person taken into ‘protective custody’. I stated, “I did not once feel ‘protected’ but threatened and assaulted.” All my words fell on deaf ears.
The ‘older’ and ‘more experienced’ officer rolled his eyes, berated me for interupting him and then spoke over me several times unashamedly. The other officer, clearly reluctant to speak of his own accord, could not or maybe did not know how, to have a voice of his own. He simply parroted the words of the other.
It fills me with fear for others, who may encounter these two, when they are on duty together. They will believe and act upon hearsay, go in ‘guns shooting’, then refuse to realize, they never bothered to ask any questions. They will create their own story, add in details to justify the ends to their means. They will never ever admit they ever did anything wrong, made a mistake, because to do so would mean they would have to apologize. And it became clear to me, that as officers of the so-called law, and as the brash officer had stated in the police vehicle to me, “We can do whatever we want when you are in our custody.”
My heart is sad for these two. I feel a great sorrow and sympathy for their souls. I wonder how they will treat their next ‘victim’ and I ardently hope it is without anger from this meeting. I worry that this fear, will come to be. I wonder if they realize, I was giving them every opportunity to do the right thing, and at the very least, apologize. I am assured, in spite of my warning at the beginning of the conversation, the officers will not think beyond, nor take anything I said as it was meant…sound advice and a sign.
I asked for three things, understanding of the difference between an anxiety attack and intoxication, so as to prevent mistaking one for the other. I asked the false statement they claimed I had made, to be rescinded and struck from the report. I asked an apology for their ‘nobody’ statement, for to say such a thing is to deny I am a human being on this planet, a citizen of this country, having a name and deserving of respect.
I pity them. I pity them the circumstances that have made them this way. I pity the path they are choosing and their lot, for simply put…their ‘reasoning is of common clay’.
ni • ko • ru 
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