A few days ago a friend and I were having lunch and I mentioned my relationship woes to her. At that lunch, she suggested I do some visioning and write down the qualities and type of person I desire and seek in a romantic relationship. I have been dating three Scorpios off and on over the last three years and I ended the last of the three unhealthy relationships three days ago.
I look back now at these experiences with these individuals and laugh at the absurdity. Their physical ages range from 36 to 43 and yet they were all emotionally aged 12. I matured at age 9 when my single divorced mother decided I was old enough to take care of my younger brother after school and stopped sending us to a babysitter. I think you can see the dilemma this raises in finding a worthy mate and the discrepancy in life experiences already.
Well meaning friends suggest online dating. I am loath to do so. And once again that suggestion came up while gathered with four awesome women at an intimate moving away party. The one moving away has a boyfriend but all of us are essentially awesome single ladies and we shared an intense conversation I shall remember for a very long time.
I’ve been online since 1995 using social networking in some of its earliest manifestations. My handle was ‘Vamp’ on ISCA out of Iowa State University. I never once considered online dating. I still maintain a handful of friendships of folks I’ve never met in person. The few people I did meet from ISCA all mistakenly assumed that I had some romantic interest in wanting to meet them IRL. Which I of course corrected.
I shared my reason for not doing online dating with the group last night. The reason is: I don’t think the man for me is sitting at a computer doing online dating. I also verbalized that I thought this way of thinking is holding me back from the possibilities that might be out there. A friend said that perhaps that guy also didn’t believe in online dating but decided to give it a try.
And received this response from one of those friends I’ve never met in person but have known now for 19 years:
Somehow that ‘A-ha!’ moment manifested and finally my vision for the relationship and kind of person I want to have that intimate love relationship with was realized. I wrote back:
And last but not least (for me), this very important detail:
So I guess I’m not looking for a man. I’m looking for a gentleman hero who also wants to live life in epic proportions. You might be thinking, “This girl has got some crazy expectations that will never be met!”
And you may be right. They may never be. I may be alone for the rest of my life to my dying day. But never lonely…and always always always in the best of my own good company!
So the burning question is, will I enter the online dating arena?
Well, haven’t I already with this post?
I don’t presume to think that so many people are reading my blog but if you are and know a single awesome gentleman hero who fits the rest of my bill, please direct them to me and let them know that in gaining my attention I say “Fortune favors the bold.”